FAQs with Marty the Mayan Temple Guard
Marty the Mayan Temple Guard: “Can I help you with something?”
Steve Stratman: “I wonder if I could speak with Mr. Smoke Jaguar.”
“The king or the prince?”
“The king, I suppose.”
“Are you a writer?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have an agent?”
“No.”
“Then sorry. Can’t do it.”
“Why?”
“That last writer we had in here filleted him pretty good. Said he was unfit to run an empire, that sort of thing. Blabbed it all in a book. Then the king ripped all of us a new a***hole. Won’t be letting that happen again.”
“It’s really just back-story stuff. You know, plot twists. More fluff than substance.”
“Well . . . Let me check.”
Guard closes door then opens it a few seconds later.
“He wants to know if you’d be willing to bifurcate your moompha.”
“My what?”
“You know,” guard points his finger in the direction of the author’s crotch, “your nah-han-dootl.”
“Still not getting you.”
Guard whispers in author’s ear.
“Oh, um, wow . . . Definitely not willing to do that.”
“Deal’s off, then. Come back when you have an agent.”