FAQs with Marty the Aztec Priest
Marty the Aztec Priest: “Can I help you with something?”
Steve Stratman: “I was wondering if I could have a word with Mr. Montezuma?”
“Moctezuma.”
“What?”
“It’s Moctezuma. People always get that wrong.”
“Ok, Mr. Moctezuma.”
“You’re late.”
“How could I be late?”
“You’re about 43 years late, to be exact.”
“But I don’t even have an appointment.”
“Mr. Moctezuma first prophesied your arrival about 43 years ago. So, that makes you late.”
“What?”
“You’re Quetzalcoatl, right? White skin? Fancy-colored eyes? Feathered serpent?”
“Definitely not a feathered serpent.”
“So you’re not Mr. Quetzalcoatl?”
“No.”
“Then you have to wait in that line of people over there.”
Author looks back over shoulder: “I don’t see a line.”
Priest points: “That line.”
“That’s more of a pile than a line.”
“That’s where you wait.”
“You mean behind the pile?”
“No. The pile is the line.”
“But those people are deceased.”
“Yes. That’s your line.”
Author pauses, then says, “I was wondering if I could have a word with Mr. Moctezuma. Could you tell him that Mr. Quetzalcoatl is here?”
“You bet you can. Thought you’d never ask. But you have to promise me something first.”
“Sure.”
“You can’t mention anything about his hands.”
“His hands?”
“Yeah. In fact don’t even look at them. He’s very sensitive about his hands.”
“Why?”
“They’re small.”
“How small?”
“Pretty small. And don’t mention the election. He’s still really upset about it. Fixated, actually. He didn’t really even win and he can’t seem to get over it.”
“Election? I didn’t think you guys had elections?”
Priest smiles. “We don’t, I’m just kidding. It’s just a little joke we play on journalists around here.”
“There are journalists around here?”
“Of course. What sh*thole, far-off kingdom do you think we’re running, anyway?”