Steve Stratman Writer

FAQs with Uncle Marty: Monsanto Zombies

Uncle Marty: “I heard you talking about something called a Monsanto Zombie.”

Steve Stratman: I was referring to a cow.

“A Monsanto Zombie is a kind of cow?”

Not really a specific breed, like a Hereford or Brahman. But more your garden variety cow that ends up in a concentrated animal feeding operation. Once these cows get to a certain weight, they eat premixed feed from corn and soybeans, vitamins, things like that. These crops are commonly genetically altered.

“So. The cow eats Frankenstein food. Then we eat the cow. Is that what you’re saying?”

Pretty much. Yes.

“Does that make us Zombies too?”

Depends on where you get your cow, I suppose.

“Are you some kind of communist?”

No. I don’t think so.

“Do you even know what a communist is?”

I have the same general stereotype I think most people have. So, I guess yes.

“So, you don’t like Monsanto?”

What does Monsanto have to do with communism?

“How come you never really answer my questions?”

What is your question, really?

“So, you don’t like Monsanto?”

I find their genetics programs a little frightening, I must admit.

“Why?”

They have the ability to modify genes in food. Then feed the whole human race with it.

“So?”

Don’t you find that a little remarkable?

“It’s food. Everybody gets hungry, pal. The more food the better. Zombies have to eat too.”

That’s kind of my point.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting sued?”

That would be terrifying, yes.

This whole blog seems slanderous, if you ask me.”

Well, you brought it up. And just so you know, if you see defamatory allegations in print, the correct word is libelous.

“Are you sure you’re not a communist?”