FAQs: Chimps and Jumping Jacks
Interviewer: “Why can’t you just finish that thing?”
Steve Stratman: Editing a book is like brushing a dog, you’re never really done. You just need to get most of the stink out. When you’re finished there should be a large fluffy pile of adverbs on the floor and everyone will say, “Hey. You could make a pillow out of that.”
“What’s your process?”
My best writing happens when I need to be doing something else.
“Where’s your house?”
Minneapolis. It’s a nice city. Just when you’re about to throw yourself off a bridge, the most beautiful spring you’ve ever seen appears. It’s also the only place in the world where you can say no by politely nodding yes. My kind of town.
“What’s your dog’s name?”
I have two dogs.
“If you could put Kurt Cobain, Stephen Hawking and Carlos Casteneda in a blender, what would you get?”
Sub-sea Dark Matter.
“How many jumping jacks can you do?”
I don’t do jumping jacks.
“If you were to do jumping jacks, how many?”
I’d do three. Then I’d feel stupid and I’d stop.
“I see you jumping rope in your back yard. What’s the difference?
That’s a good point. All that waving, attracting attention. It bothers me, I guess.
“What if you were on a planet with no sun and light was something you only heard about on the radio?”
I don’t know. I guess I’d make a sandwich or something.
“Would a chimp s*** on a jogging path?”
Yes. I suppose it would.